introduction, at last!?!

ok all my weight loss groupies, here it is. Kari mentioned that we should introduce ourselves and really try to connect.
I know only a few of you, and I am starting to know and like a few more. Maybe through all of this we can gain a friend and a healthier self.
So, here is the background on me...
Who I am right now:
I am a wife, a mother of two amazing boys, a doula, and Childbirth educator, pretty much anything birth...I am a junkie. I love my life on most days, I love the adventure that life brings to me. I love learning and growing in all aspects.
Where I can from (my weight loss journey)
My whole life I have been worrying about my weight. I can remember being really little and concerned about my looks. I think my self judgement started when my favorite sister (LOL) was anorexic in high school. I didn't consciously know it at the time, I just knew she was skinny and "healthy" later, when I was about 10, my family all talked about how this sister was anorexic and oh so skinny. So I learned what anorexia was, and ran with it.
ROUND ONE: I was about 10 years old. I was very good at getting out of eating, and since I was young, I don't think anyone suspected it from me. I got very thin and then my mom finally got concerned. She threatened to take me to see someone. That freaked me out! So with my mother watching everything I did, I slowly 'got better'
ROUND TWO: I 'recovered' and did great until I was about 15/16 and a friend and I decided to do anorexia together (she had seen how thin it made me before and thought it was a good idea)we started a silly little pack to see who could lose the most weight. We even went to the length of watching what each other ate to help the other person stay on 'track.' This is when my anorexia turned into bulma-rexia (a bullimic anorexic) yes, this meant that I hardly eat, what I did eat I threw up most the time and I exercised like crazy. This time I stopped because both my mom was concerned for the two of us, and knew we needed to be away from each other for a while. My friends mom (who my mom told her what was going on) simply replied "whatever works! She looks good now, and she will just out grow it I am sure."
It was not an easy recovery, but I worked hard with myself to get over it.
But of course, when you thrash your metabolism like that you get fat.. again!
But this time I learned how to be healthy and love myself and lose weight the right way.
That being said, there is always a little anorexic/bulimic girl inside me. On some days I have the thought just to throw up what I have eaten if i feel guilty about it, or to just not eat all together. My saving grace in all of this (and the thing that gets that little girl to be quiet) is my husband and my family, and my knowing that I never want to be that girl again. I had a health mentor tell me once that an eating disorder (anorexia, bulimia, and EVEN obesity) is like a drug addiction. It never truly goes away, we just learn how to win! This is very true for myself and anyone else I have met who at one time had an eating disorder.
Why I am here:
I am hear to be healthy again. Once I learned how to lose weight and be healthy the right way I maintained it easily and loved it. Then life hit me and I got lazy. Now, I am cleaning up after my own mess and showing myself, and my family, and my kids what healthy is!
It is not going as fast as I would like, but I can see all the things I am doing to slow myself down. This month, as I told Kari, is my month. I will conquer the things that hold me back.
I wish all of you the best in your weight loss adventure, and in all the adventure in your life. I do hope to truly connect to with you through this competition and maybe the next :)